SGM Survivors

I started attending a SG church (PDI) back then while still in college. I mostly attended the Sunday services since they did not have a college ministry. I found myself drawn to SG because I had begun to experience the Holy Spirit in a new way, but was wary of the other Pentecostal/ Charismatic churches I had tried. Having become a Christian at a Presbyterian Church, I was still leary of what seemed like emotionalism and a loosey goosey approach to scripture. I found PDI to be upbeat in it's worship and a more serious tone in their preaching, and I liked that a lot.
During my last couple years of college, I invited or transported many different friends and friends of friends to come and check out my new church. Many of which are still there today, and a majority of them are pastors or leaders within SG as a whole.

It was after getting married and joining a care group that I began to know more about SG and it's particulars. I began leading worship at our care group and quickly became good friends with our leaders. My wife and I really looked up to this other couple because we were struggling to figure out this crazy little thing called marriage. Most of the time, this couple showed genuine concern and love to us and made us a part of their lives and family.

It was also at this time that I attended a small men's group where extreme prodding into the men's lives were the norm. We were often chastised in front of others and grilled about our sins. Confessing specific sin in very specific detail was the norm. At first I found it exciting and addicting-it was like a drug to hear someone bare their soul and sin for all to see. I was amazed at how some of the older men could seem to sniff out and sometimes even tell someone what their problem was (pride, lust, weakness in leading our wives, etc....) men would cry, I would cry. It seemed so real, and to some extent, I think some good may have come from it.

But there was a dark side that emerged later-I realized that 2 of the "older men" who pretty much lead our discussions and sin sniffing missions, were not being open about their lives. They were willing to go after (even to the point of very stern rebukes) other men but they themselves had become almost silent about their own lives. I even confronted one of the men, asking why he would always talk about someone else's confessed sin, but never his own. I don't remember his exact reply, but I remember being dissatisfied with his answer. The other one would always confess (in excruciating detail) some lustful thought he had about some women's breasts at a train station, etc...but would never talk about his wife or kids or things close to home. I felt like he was being evasive about real issues. This wasn't the tipping point for me, I just assumed that this type of behavior was not the norm.

It was later that I found out that the 2 men leading were very much in conflict with each other and that some of the others in our group, were cheating on their wives. But at the time, there was a lot of puffed up talk on how this was leading us to be God's men, men above the others, this was "Biblical" fellowship, we were building "community", blah, blah blah....makes me sick to think that we were avoiding God while we so boastfully applauded ourselves for our "radical" commitment.

As much as I had some doubts about what was happening in my men's group, I still had drunk deeply of all that our pastors said upfront about "the local church" and the commitment to be about the Lord's business in the proper church structure. So my wife and I signed up to be on a church plant-we were about to enter "alternate reality"

Next Update-The Church Plant Years....

Thanks for beginning your story, Musicman. My husband is a "musicman" also. He was on the worship team in our old PDI church for the duration of our time there. We were also home group leaders, but what we REALLY wanted to do was travel to each different home group and teach about worship. But we were never allowed to do that.

It is sad and a bit shocking to me to hear of the cheating that you describe. I may have told the story already about a man in our church who was caught in adultery, called in before all of the leaders and home group leaders of the church, publically rebuked and sent packing. Turned over to satan. He was a very close friend of the senior pastor. Was the adultery in your church dealt with once it was discovered?

But don't let my rambling here distract you from telling the rest of your story! Looking forward to what you have to say. It's still a relief to me, even after having been on this site for a month or two, to hear of others who experienced what we did. We were so utterly alone for a long time.

I'm eagerly awaiting part 2 also, MM!

Like Ellie, I am looking forward to hearing the rest of your story. Sometimes it is hard to believe so much of this has happened to so many. Simply amazing. Anyway, welcome, MM!

Gracie-

I'm not sure what to say about the cheating. In one case, I found out by accident "friend of a friend"-meaning that an old friend of mine was relating how his 1st marriage broke up in divorce and just so happens it was a case of his wife committing adultery with one of the guys from our men's group. I don't think our SG church was ever aware of the situation. It was many years after I had left that I found this out-but it made sense when I think back to many of the evasive or "off" type of comments this one guy would make at our men's group.

To the others-Thanks for the encouragement-I'll try to post more this week

Thanks for starting your story, musicman! I'm so curious about the Church Plant Years....

Musicman,

I always appreciate your post and am looking forward to "now, you know the rest of the story"...don't keep us waiting too long....

When I first saw your name I thought you might be a worship leader (pretty smart heh?), then I thought maybe you just like the musical called The Music Man...but alas, I do love to worship.

Can't wait to hear part 2! I really think we get sucked into these kinds of groups and churches BECAUSE we want to be the best we can be for Christ. The more honest we are here with each other and the readers who don't post, the more folks may find themselves and be saved the wounds we have endured. So looking forward to part 2!

Margaret, you are right! We want to follow after Jesus so wholeheartedly and that is used against us.

Heehee, ISSGM!!



I'll sit here with ya and keep you company...

hummdedummdeedee....

finished yet, MM?